Category: By Lisa


Permalink 06:45:34 pm, Categories: GraceHead teaching, By Lisa, 830 words   English (US)

Have you exposed your inner self?

Hi all,
Reading Pam's blog about her skipping church, and how widely she opened her heart to everyone, and then reading Steve's comment about it--that got me to thinking.

Once upon a time, long long ago... (okay, it was only about 6 years back) a chatter and I were discussing the pros and cons of revealing too much of our hearts to people. He argued the point that we were not to expose our hearts, because in doing so, would leave us open to attack. He even went further to back his claim with an Old Testament proverb, about guarding our hearts, because from within flows the wellspring of life. I can't quote the verse verbatim, but when I looked it up--I took it as wearing a breastplate, so that the arrows wouldn't pierce the heart, hence killing us. I don't know if that's what it means or not--the physical literal sense. We need our hearts to continue pumping blood throughout out bodies.

The way this whole discussion got started, was the fact that every time I spoke from my heart, he'd mention, "Guard your heart" I never knew what he meant by that. He was a nice enough fella at the time, so whatever it meant, I figured he had good intentions by it, although I had not a clue what he was getting at. I finally broke down one day and just out and out ASKED him. He told me that he saw where I was very open with my thoughts, my fears, my likes dislikes... well, just everything. He was concerned that I might be setting myself up for a great hurt. I suppose he had a point. Just like Pam mentioned her thoughts about church attendance, who KNOWS how anyone will respond? It could be good, bad, sarcastic, whatever. Once we lay our hearts on the line, it's there for anyone to see, and we run the risk of rejection disapproval, etc. Who wants that?

However, I had a different mindset than he had. My thoughts were--if my dependency is on Christ, and what HE thinks of me, won't the rejection of others seem less painful, if my heart is on Christ? Of course, that's a moment by moment thing, and rejection still hurts. However, wouldn't it serve to remind me that maybe my heart isn't as focused on Christ as I thought it was? Like Pam mentioned about former friends being used as tools-of-the-moment, rejection can also be viewed as the same. Up to that time, I had never experienced rejection to the point where it cut me to the core. Mind you, I HAD been rejected before, but it didn't really mean that much, because the person that rejected me didn't mean that much to me. In fact, I had went so far as to use scripture to defend MY outlook on it. The peace of God, that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds through Jesus Christ our Lord. HE will guard our hearts, I don't have to.

That was then, and this is now. Since that conversation, I have had one major rejection that has threatened to do me in. It too, was used as the tool-of-the-moment to show me my weakness, and therefore my need to depend on Christ. I didn't realize how much I had come to depend on this couple, but when they suddenly decided they'd had a belly full of me, they cut ties and sent me on my way. I was devastated. Like Pam mentioned, because we were in Christ, friendship was Christ centered, it'd last forever, right? Wrong! To this day, there has been no reconciliation, but it doesn't bother me as much as it did. I guess as time goes by, God does heal the wounds we receive.

So then, where does that leave the heart baring experience? . If we get hurt, (And boy howdy!) then so be it. I have noticed since that ordeal, that my heart does seem to clam up quickly if I suspect ill intentions of the other party. I don't like that. I don't like hiding. Not to say that we should bare all our dirty laundry for the public eye, but are we being truthful if we hide our real self? Of course we share things with close friends, but even then we run the risk of being hurt. But I have found time and time again, that when I DO bare my heart, others that are in Christ are drawn to me, because I'm being "real". I also admire that trait in others, again, such as Pam did when she revealed something very personal to her. It's nice to know we're not the only ones that feel such and such about different things. It's important to share our inner most worries at times, and LET the other folks see our vulnerabilities--just don't forget that our heart's guard comes from Christ, not ourselves.

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