Category: GraceHead counseling


Permalink 01:27:58 am, Categories: By Trent, GraceHead counseling, 735 words   English (US)

"... how i can control temptation?" Q and A from my email.

Recently I got this message in my inbox from a stranger:

QUESTION: Hi Trent, Thankyou for taking the time to read my email. I have been with my partner for 3 years, we are both really strong christians and really love God with all our hearts. But there is one thing we both find so hard to control and it is sex. I pray and i ask for forgivness and i try i really do try to stop but i give into the flesh i wish i could just stop this have you got any tips of how i can control temptation i really want to live a proper christian life. Will God forgive me? I really want to turn my life around and become a better person i dont want to let God down. Thanks Annie

After thinking and praying, here is what I was inspired to write this young lady:

Your definition of what it looks like to be delivered from the temptation of sex probably looks like this: "We are living together and sharing our lives together like a married couple but because we are not married we choose to not have sex together."

Here is my definition as a contrast: "We have learned that we just can't handle living together without sex so we have arranged to live apart until we are ready for marriage."

I never want to hear about how you are have ever had success living together without sex. Instead, a sign of maturity in you would be if you told me that every night you live together you have sex. In actuality, the nights that you refrain are probably the same nights that you or he burns with passion for each other. Don't comfort yourself thinking anything good was accomplished when the desire is there, but no action was taken.

You can tell maturity in a young child at a cliff's edge.

In the western US there is a geological feature known worldwide called "The Grand Canyon" ... I'm sure you have heard about it. There are basically cliff edges everywhere. These cliffs are shear and steep and anything near the edge risk plummeting to a speedy and irrecoverable fall. So, lets imagine two children next to one of these cliffs.

One child runs to the edge and leans out over it trying to look cute or brave.

The other child holds its parents hand and is in constant touch with the boundaries with a mindful awareness of what deadly mistakes can be made around the edge.

Which is mature?

Which is immature?

{name omitted}, if I may be frank with you, I don't think much of your maturity right about now. You are playing with fire, by putting yourself into situations that you cannot handle. You are not going to be delivered from such a circumstance, anymore than someone seeking to be delivered from alcoholism by being able to drink heaps of it without a buzz. Such a person should not expect that kind of deliverance. Not deliverance in the middle of the activity but BEFORE the activity. A person delivered from alcoholism, knows their limitations and weaknesses and stays away from bars and parties that have alcohol. They are foolish to wonder why they can not keep going to these events and stop stumbling.

Your problem is that you are a really strong Christian. You should be weak, and mature and know your limitations and stay far away from the cliff's edge.

But I fear you are too strong to take my advice. You can handle it right? You can take the situation and not fall, because you are strong enough, right? (I'm just being tough on you for your good ... I hope I am wrong.)

Let me tell you what I would do if I lived with my fiance before we were married.
SEX! Lots of it!

So guess what?
We didn't live with each other before marriage. We didn't sleep over or none of that stuff.
I could not handle it and neither could she ... but unlike YOU ... we KNEW IT!

Don't be like that foolish kid that races to the edge of the cliff and wonders why they keep falling off. Stay in safety and far away from the edge. This awareness of weakness is true strength and true maturity if you will take a more excellent way.

Ripening for the harvest,

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