Post details: Affirmational Love - a religion repellant.


Permalink 12:27:40 am, Categories: GraceHead teaching, By Trent, 463 words   English (US)

Affirmational Love - a religion repellant.

"You really are special"

Affirmational loving is the series of acts that demonstrate emotional support, appreciating the unique attributes of another, showing respect and demonstrating that they are valued highly.

To do this, we set aside fear-based safe-guarding and suspicious posturing. Our thoughts are not aimed at keeping ourselves safe by controlling. Affirmational loving is always devoid of interpreting any sort of threat from others that we would need to control with blame or guilt. We quit scrutinizing one another to see if we need our guard up.

Affirmational loving often involves focusing on what can be appreciated and shared not on what must be influenced, altered or controlled. Examinations are replaced with shared experiences. Whatever helps the other's individuality (projects, desires, curiosities) are all encouraged.

Affirmational love is risky, because it doesn't wait until another earns it nor is it a follow-up once we are first loved by them. It often means we seek and give advice to a far lesser extent, because our actions affirm that others can figure out their own situation and have sufficient access to God's guidance.

When is the last time you have said:
"I'm really seeing who you are and you are so special!"
"You are wonderful the way you are!"
"You are so different than me and that is wonderful"
"Seeing things your way is so unusual. It gives me a whole new way to see everything, and it's fantastic!"

Too often we miss opportunities to tell one-another that we are sorry for trying to fit each other into our own molds. What enormous harm it would be to make anyone else as "mold"-y as me. How stupid it would be to try to control how you are you. I would rather be your fan, than your boss or puppeteer. If we can each keep being the unique amazing person God made us, then we can have unique amazing worlds to share with each other.

Of course, when adopting affirmational loving we must also be ready to affirm when we see someone stuck in self-destructive behavior. Rather than use manipulation, we can affirm by emphasizing another's worth rather than the destructive behavior. Affirming means challenging another to reach their full potential for health and well-being because we believe in them.

Affirmational love is about first noticing, then appreciating and then conveying the value and worth that exists in the loved one.

Lets do our creative best to affirmationally love.
Lets recognize in one another the truly one-of-a-kind blessing that God made each of us!
Much like we might see and appreciate a sunset, lets see an appreciate one another as God has made us ... each of us with a wealth of potential and discovery ahead of us.

"Love builds up" ~ Paul.

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Comment from: Pam [Visitor] ·

I definately appreciate you and your soft hearted insight into complex human behavior. You surely are gifted in the practical application of scripture and I am blessed to be able to read the things that God reveals to you about all of us.

This hit the spot this morning.

Permalink 01/12/09 @ 12:30
Comment from: Trent [Member] ·

I'm learning this and preaching to myself here with this one in particular. In fact, this blog is a slightly reformatted version of some notes that I took from reading a book about codependency (a struggle of mine.)
I thought my notes might be of use to others, so here they are. Glad you enjoyed them.

Permalink 01/12/09 @ 13:26
Comment from: Pam [Visitor] ·

Is there a reason why this isn't showing up on the feeds? I want to email it to someone...

Permalink 01/13/09 @ 17:50
Comment from: lenbenhear [Member] ·
ABSOLUTELY ! The ministry of encouragement, appreciation, and affirmation is mostly a lost art today.

We need a revival of affirming love! ... simple, courteous encouragement! Yes!

PS/ You, Pam, Timothy, & Emily: LOVE u-all! ... keep salting and seasoning THE TRUTH with LOVE ! ... :^)
Permalink 01/14/09 @ 20:12

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