Post details: abusive mother- a random question and an inspired answer


Permalink 07:32:43 pm, Categories: By Trent, GraceHead counseling, 1899 words   English (US)

abusive mother- a random question and an inspired answer

It has been since October since my last anonymous question in my inbox ... they come in random clusters and bunches then sometimes I don't get any for a while.
This morning I got one of these questions. (my answer below ... and the reply below that)

(just in case this might be something you are going through ...)
It reads:

Subject: mother

Question: Many people when they hear of an elderly person, think of someone sweet and someone you should tolerate alot from because of their age. In the case of my mother, she is in a nursing home right now and I have reviewed many of her medical records with permission. She has been abusive to staff and even in the records it says she has been "cruel" to them making personal insults. She has been very verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Foul language directed at me in a manner intended to injure. She has been disrepsectful and mean spirited. I have found alot of people try to dismiss this behavior because of a person's age (80) however this is not fair. I am 54 years old and my health, both physically and mentally is suffering because of the constant abuse. Again, I find people try to "make excuses" because the aged person is in a nursing home. The nursing home has said she doesn't have to be there if she would only cooperate and do her share of what she needs to do in order to get discharged. But she sabatouges herself and makes unreasonable demands. A neurologist and psychiatrist have evaluated her and said she is not psychotic and knows what she is doing. I am on numerous medications because of the strain in dealing her verbal abuse, emotional abuse and disrespect. Ex: Could not go visit her (she is 20 miles away) due to ice storm here in NY. She says "tough! don't bull** me". called and asked what she is doing and she says "you bast*". Blames me for the fact she is in the nursing home when in fact if she would do what they tell her, she could be discharge but she is not compliant. Do I as a Christian have to take mental, verbal and emotional abuse? I am on the verge of suicide and am seeing a counselor because of this. I want to be a good Christian and feel being a Christian means I have to take, accept and tolerate cruelty. Yet is is bringing me to the breaking point. I am having crying fits but thank God I am under medical care. Is this what God expects of me? To be torn apart like this? I have family responsibilities otherwise would ask for a brief hospitalization because of the stress. Am I a bad Christian for wanting to distance myself from my mother until she makes a decision that her behavior is alientaing others? I tried to talk to her nicely, very nicely this evening about it and she was mocking me. I don't get rude or nasty back but being exposed to this cruelty is injuring me greatly to the point where I can't enjoy life any longer and it has caused me to quit my job. Is this what God wants me to do none the less? To expose myself to cruel behavior? I read about turning the other cheek and honor thy father and thy mother. So I have taken the abuse and my health is failing me. Please advise. I am at wits end and suicidal over it but I do have a counselor. Suicidal because no matter what I do which is anything she wants, I get abused verbally and emotionally. And the doctors say this is not dementia doing it. It is her actual anger. Thank you.

What I said to him came without thought ... as when the Lord fills ones mind with Truth so that through them He might send a message. That would make me a mere messenger.

You are beloved of the Lord. Your mother won't remind you of that, but it is true ... and I don't mind telling you.

Remember in the Gospels, when Jesus was baptized? Heaven opened to Him and a Voice spoke saying, "This is my beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased." Shortly after satan marches over to Jesus and tempts Him three times saying, "If you really are the son ..."

Guess what was missing! The Father says "beloved son" ... and satan says "son" ... without the beloved ... Satan knows that while trying to steal, kill, and destroy he must NOT under any circumstance remind anybody of the truth of God's love for them. Reminding them that they are beloved, ruins satan's trickery and plans.

So, I am reminding you that you are loved to make that fresh again in your ears, and I believe that we cannot hear that enough. We need, at all times, to be reminded of it. We are that weak and fragile. I need a fresh revelation of God's Love and Acceptance just to get by. Don't you?

Lets say that a woman is drowning and kicking and splashing. A boy goes to help her and drag her to shore, but the moments slip by and the boy gets exhausted and fatigued. Now they are both in danger because the woman won't submit to the help, so both may be drown. The very instance that the boy notices that he is taking on water in his lungs, is a critical moment. Will he let go of the woman or will he forfeit her life and his own in an attempt to do something that everyone on the shore can see is dangerous? The boy must decide to let go, and live. The boy must trust the lifeguard on duty.

Of course, I am talking about you, beloved brother in the Lord. Will you drown with the flailing woman, or will you let go? Will you trust the lifeguard, which is the Lord Jesus - the Good Shepherd, who promises to not loose a single sheep?

This moment is critical for you. Will you trust the Lord?

I know there are symptoms to lack of trust. These symptoms are warning signs, like the lights on the dashboard of a car, telling us to stop and check the engine. So, the light that flashes at me is summed up in one word "STRESS" or "WORRY."

Worry and stress are the natural outcome of any person saying to God: "Hands off, Lord. I got this one! LET ME handle it! I can do it!" ... as we grasp the problem and try to fix it. So naturally we are stressed and worried, because (whether we readily accept it or not) we really don't offer much to help the problem on our own, and we really DO need the Lord to do it and help us fix what is broken.

We need to trust the Lord - the remedy for all worries and all stresses.

I'm not here to say that I have arrived, But, I can tell you that I am much further along than I have been before, and it is worth the time and effort that I have put into trusting the Lord and worrying less and stressing less. It has gone well with me.

Would you be willing, brother, to do it, if Jesus tells you, "Beloved, go into the room and hang a sign that says "nasty bitch" in a banner over her bed." Would you be willing to obey, if the Lord says to you "Beloved, don't call her back, nor answer her calls ... let her eat silence." Would you be willing if He said, "OK, beloved, now she is ready for your help again." See? We don't know what to do. We can pray. We can be willing. But we MUST hear from the Lord and do as He says. His sheep hear His voice, so you have been hearing it ... just stop and listen to the subtle and quiet voice that insists within you for you to do what He would have His beloved do.

"Apart from me you can do nothing." - Jesus

You have proven that statement by now, right? I know I have proven it.

Here are some things that the Lord has put on my heart to share with you:


Please. The time is short. No longer are we fit to do as we plan it. We need to hear from the Lord ... the One that constantly tells us of now much we are loved. And hearing, we will know what to do. The results will be miraculous and no energy will be wasted.

We can run and not grow weary. We can renew our strength as we wait and remain in Him. We will soar and sing and do exploits, but it will not be us doing them ... We will say with a loud voice, "It is the LORD! Give Him glory!" Are you ready to start, beloved of the Lord? It starts with listening and quieting your heart and being willing to do as He says. He is already standing at the door and knocking ... but because you are already His, He is not knocking to get in your heart, but knocking to get out.

Will you let Jesus come out and play (through you?)

Ripening for the harvest,


I don't usually get a response, but I was pleased to find this when I got home tonight (Glory to God, Who gives all understanding and is the SOURCE of all wisdom and knowledge.)

you are a genius. and i might be wrong but i believe you have been used as an angel today. i needed badly what you have said, so badly i am saving it for future use. my mouth is hanging open in awe. i am delighted to have gotten this reply. it is awesome, eloquent and helpful to a very desperate person. your time was not a waste of time. i needed to hear i was loved. you are a person who is sensitive to the Lord because I was glued to the computer reading your reply. it was resonating with me each step along the way. i am saving it for future use. i want jesus. i am amazed at your insight both practical and spiritual. you have a real gift and if being on all experts was a whim on your part when you joined (which i doubt) please note that your reply has helped save my life, and something like that does not happen on a whim. I am intensely changed by your reply. i am stunned right now. never would i have expected such a helpful, insightful reply in a million years. even my therapist hasn't reached me like this. i am dumbfounded with mouth still hanging open. i am printing this out and saving for future reference. i can't pay you but i would if i had to for this. i can pray for you though. you are an agent of the Lord. this could not have been a mistake, the condition i am in and all. I am stunned and can't even talk. Thank you.

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Comments, Trackbacks, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Mrs Zeke [Visitor] ·
Thanks for taking the time with him Trent.
Your loved
Permalink 02/07/08 @ 10:58
Comment from: Pam [Visitor]
Hi Trent,

This is good advice for anything in our life that we struggle to control. That is the heart of worry and also the sin that is at the heart of worry. The truth is, we have no control. God does. How much better off are we when we quit trying to take that control from Him.

Permalink 02/07/08 @ 12:41
Comment from: Trent [Member] ·
all glory to the Lamb
Permalink 02/08/08 @ 00:02
Comment from: Pam [Visitor]
Morning Trent,

I enjoy reading this one not just for the words but because your heart is revealed in them. A humble servant's heart that desires to minister Jesus to others and not make ministry into a horse and pony show. I am reminded of all the ways that God has spoken to me through you over the years. I was beneath such oppression when I first came across 'The Life' and there have been so many times that a simple statement given to you by God for me dispelled the darkness long enough for me to get a firmer grip around Jesus knees until finally, He pulled me out from under all that Satan had sent to keep me down.

You are a dear little brother, Trent. You and Heather are forever upon my heart and continually in my prayers. God bless.

Permalink 02/10/08 @ 08:08
Comment from: Robin [Visitor]
Dear Trent,
I'm not sure how to comment, as I don't see an email. I don't quite understand why "Timothy" is featured on a "grace" site? His so-called prophetic messages are filled w/ hate, threats of calamity, condemnation, judgement, and "thus says the Lord". To top it off, you use his "messages" and recomend his website to others? (AS you did to this dear brother.) What's the deal?
Permalink 02/11/08 @ 22:54

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