by Trent
I was raised in a church. We went 3-4 times a week, and were very involved.
I thought that as long as I stood out and was recognized as "one of the good kids" by the church members, that God would have no choice but to approve of me as well. So I was involved with every normal church activity that they offered plus all the elective activities. Choir, hand-bells, "Royal Ambassadors" ... I did them all, and more then was asked of me. The problem was that I was a fraud all along, a hyper-religious phony. I looked like the real deal, but that was only appearance. I merely forced myself to agree with the church to fit in, and get a little ...
At a Christian Concert, we sang a Hymn that I sang a bunch of times before, I knew the lyrics by heart. "I have decided to follow Jesus / No turnin' back. No turnin' back" For some reason, I was paying attention to the words, and knew that people were singing these words because it was true for them. Was it true for me? "Though none go with me, I still will follow / No turnin' back. No turnin' back." I choked on these lyrics. It wasn't true for me, and I slumped in the pew. I had not "decided to follow Jesus" like that.
If none were going with me, I knew that I would not follow. My heart wasn't open to the idea of being a religious faker anymore. I knew that I needed something more then habit, and going through the motions.
"Lord Jesus, you know my heart," I prayed with my head in my hands, "you know that I am not following you, nor would I if none went with me. I'm just going along with the crowd." This was hard to admit, but I continued. "I want you to make me into an authentic follower. Since I'll never sing these lyrics in this condition, come into me and make me into the type of person that could go against the crowd if it meant sticking with You. Come inside and change me."
In short, Jesus did just that, but that was just the starting point.
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