Post details: I washed out on Christianity on the easy things.


Permalink 01:00:55 am, Categories: Background, By Trent
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I washed out on Christianity on the easy things.

I am a defeated Christian. I've given up. I know only a few Christians weaker then me. I proved it; I can't do it.

I've failed at my own definitions of what a Christian should be. My resources to be Christian have been spent and used up, and there isn't much to show for it. I didn't go on any mission trip or crusade, I burned out on simple things ... things that look easy to other church-goers, but for me they were too much. I couldn't handle it, and when it was all over and I was wasted away ... I wondered if there was something simply wrong with me. I guess others that are stronger, will make it, but I will need to be excluded, because I couldn't take the heat of being Christian.

At that, I wept bitterly.

Why not me? Why so weak? What kind of mess is this Christianity that would exclude the sincere simply because their best still ins't enough?

I screamed it in my heart ...


I expected silence. Instead I heard a Voice!

I heard THE Voice.

The Lord spoke to me, a religious drop-out and defeated pile of pity. I am not going to try to explain what it was like to hear ... it is beyond words. I'm going to try to put to words what was said.

He said this:
"Trent, I love you."

Can you believe that? It still echos in my ear, and I can hear the echo, though it is beyond my comprehension. God loves utter failures, and defeated drop-outs. God has room in His heart for people like me, weak people ... people who "can't" and they know it. God loves EVEN me. Provided that you can believe that, then you should know by now that you are safe in that love. Any God that can love me, can love you.

God loves you ... right where you are.

He cannot love you more.

He will not love you any less.

I wanted a God that would love me when I went to church. But what I found is a God that loves me even when I can't stand religion. I would rather have the God that I found in defeat then the God I was looking for through sucess. You see, I am weak ... so I need a God that can love the unlovely. I can't manage to stay lovely long enough anyway.

I don't care how many at church make religion look so easy, I can't seem to manage the least bit. So, now my boast is in my weakness and in the Gospel of Grace.


Comment from: Pam [Member]
Morning Trent,

I've read that the average Christian stays in church for about ten years. That must be the extent of religion to sustain many. Ten years is about the point where I burned out too. I didn't fully leave the church but it seems, that I have left organized ministry behind me. Not that I really chose it but the Lord seems to have locked the door on it as far as I'm concerned. I still go to church even though much of the artificial practices and the manipulative twist on teaching disgusts me, I still view it as an opportunity to minister to fellow believers. I have a hugging ministry and try to focus it mainly upon the elderly who often don't get enough hugs. I have a burned out pastor and pastor's wife ministry, in which I seek to be a supportive friend who is not involved in all the drama and infighting that plagues most churches. I look for folks who have slipped through the cracks of organized ministry (and that is most everyone)and I seek to encourage them in the Lord.

Outside of chruch, I look for the same, but outside of church is my ministry to the lost. Ministry has become a way of life, not a service performed on Sunday. I am also old enough now that I have given up on trying to find a church organized or less formal that is made up of people like me. There is no one like me and when I seek that kind of agreement, I find out how very disagreeable I am. I look for agreement on Christ as fellowship. Religion no longer has power over me and it doesn't matter where I am, all I desire is to point to Jesus. To hold Him up in my own life as in Him is all that I need and I know that it is only Him who can fill the needs of others, as well.

This is what I know of myself but that isn't how I am often judged. Those in church sometimes view me as backslidden because I'm no longer there 'every time the doors are open' and the unchurched often view me as a religionist because I still belong to a traditional church. What I know is that the power religion holds over us is the desire to please other men and women or to have power over them. That desire remains as strong in some outside the church as in some inside the church. Changing the form benifits little but when the heart is changed then the form doesn't matter at all. Jesus lives in me and where I go He goes and His is the voice I listen to now more often than when I was younger. When I listen to Him, my desires are changed and religion can't imprison me.

Permalink 06/05/06 @ 12:45
Comment from: steve [Visitor] ·
Been there....done that Trent...same results...same message from God. All I care about now is giving the same hope to others...all others....that the message of His love to my heart gave to me.

Permalink 06/05/06 @ 17:42
Comment from: Pam [Member]
Jesus is the only hope, Steve. Gotcha!;-}

Permalink 06/05/06 @ 19:29
Comment from: CompassionateMan [Member]
Trent and Steve--add me to the group of men who have been there, done that and heard that same Voice say the same words to me. How often have I felt my best is not good enough. I give my all to the best of my ability and is simply not good enough. Then again, maybe it IS good enough, for Yeshua lives inside of me and His Light and His Love and Compassion in me is always good enough. I hope I am making sense guys. Charles
Permalink 11/27/08 @ 23:07
Comment from: Daniel [Visitor] ·
Pretty old post and all.. But I wanted to reply anyway.

Beautiful experience Trent! I wish I heard His voice.. I can wonder endlessly on what it would sound like.

That being said: my Dad díd hear His voice once.. And to be honest it are Words that I think He has not yet fully understood.. I think all of us for that matter.
What God spoke to Him at that time was also a confirmation for me that what the Letters spoke of was actually true.. and is was important to separate myself from the Church. Ofcorse everybody in my Family including my parents fears for my sanity now.. but that's another story ;)

The story of my father hearing the Lord is: He was driving in his car.. he is an elder in the church and just got off from a meeting, and was on his way home while stopping by the supermarket first.
He was stressed about the amount of work that needed to be done for the church. He was worrying about different thing in his thoughts, when suddenly he said he heard the following.. as loud and clear as it could be:

Arthur, You need to be with Me

He said that he was in such shock afterwords that he pulled over his car and just cried. When he went into the supermarket he couldn't remember what to get.. he just grabbed some things and payed them.. but left them on the counter and went home.

When I think of it.. I found it such a brilliant answer. I think almost everything is answered in that óne sentence.

Just wanted to share this. God bless Trent!
Permalink 07/23/11 @ 15:24

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He has sinned as you have, as all have, and is forgiven equally to you and those who have sinned. Even those who have sinned greater or lesser than Timothy are forgiven equally of My Covenant. All sin is sin and requires forgiveness leading to salvation. ~ Jesus [Letters from God and His Christ - Volume 2 - Harken to Those Who God Has Sent to You, For They Prepare the Way of Christs Coming and Will Guide Many Out of the Storm and Many More Through the Storm]

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