Post details: "How do I know that's God or just MY desires?"


Permalink 01:22:29 pm, Categories: By Trent, GraceHead counseling, 1280 words   English (US)

"How do I know that's God or just MY desires?"

A couple of days ago, I got this question of faith from a stranger.

So, I had been dating this guy for two years, until we both felt God was telling us to be apart for a while. It was mainly him that God was telling but I understood too. So now, we are talking again and I'm wondering if it's in God's will.

I am a person with a lot of self doubt and when i'm with him it feels right and where i'm supposed to be, but how do I know that's God or just MY desires. This boy is a Christian, but is only 18 so he isn't as deep as I would like my husband to be. Should I just be patient with him and see how God shapes him when he goes to college? He has so much potential!!

Also, I've never really dated anyone else. I don't really have a desire to though. Even when we weren't together, I didn't want to date anyone else. But when Christian guys pursue me or start talking to me, I start comparing them to the guy I'm sort of dating. Is that bad? I don't have feelings for them at all...I think it's just the fact that they are older and more mature.

Is waiting a bad idea? He already has God in him and I can see him changing a lot when he goes to college because that is when I changed the most in my spiritual life. I love him a lot but I want to make sure that everything is in God's will, not my own.

It took a while, but I felt the Lord gave me something to say in reply. This is what came out:

Hello, there. Thank you for your sincere question of faith.

I think what you are asking is a common question. In fact, a friend of mine says he constantly hears this type of question when in America, but as a speaker spending most of his time out of the states, he NEVER hears it anywhere else. Usually, it comes from married folk wondering if their spouse was God's will for them. But there are other similar questions ... such as "Is this God's will for my job?" .. "place to live?" etc.

I said that he never hears anything of the sorts in other countries. Instead, he hears things like, "How can I get this marriage on track?" and "How can I renew my interest in work?" The difference is worth looking at, but I can only guess what the reasons are for the culture difference in America.

Since I am an American, too ... I don't mind sharing my experience with similar doubts, see if there is some similarity with what you are going through. I think we tend to think of life like one of those line mazes with 100 dead-ends and 1 correct exit. As we go along we are asked to go left or right, and we imagine that had we gone one way and not the other, that we end up either at a dead-end or at a point closer to the correct exit point. We are convinced that making the correct decision means a freedom from regret ... at least until we make a wrong decision, right? But, like those puzzles it is nearly impossible to make it to the end without making a few wrong choices, so we are always doubting and questioning whether our latest decision was the right one or whether we should go back and undo it.

As I write all of that out, it seems kindof silly and depressing, doesn't it? Is life really navigated like a puzzle-maze? I sure hope there is more to it than that.

Heb 11:8
By faith Abraham, when he was called, ... he went out, not knowing where he was going.

What if faith runs contrary to all this managing decisions and knowing what we are getting into before we get into it? Abraham went by faith without knowing where he was going! Maybe we just aren't meant to know so that we can exercise faith in the absence of knowing.

The moment that we know God's will for our lives, sister, ... guess what? We are unbelievers, no longer walking by faith.

I've learned to escape the constant second-guessing and regretful worry about decisions. How? By adopting a new attitude: "Thy will be done."

So, I don't want to have plans for anyone, and how to wind up at the exit of the maze. I am not particularly concerned about all of that, because I don't know. I don't need a plan, because my plan is to welcome God's will. So going left or going right is not the question for me. My question is to abide or to not abide, and what difference does it make if while abiding I go right or I go left? The point is that I am abiding, so it will go great if I go either way. How can I take a bad step when my steps are wrought in God? How can I think that you can take a bad step if your steps are wrought in God? So I don't want you to follow my steps nor anyone else's! I want you to abide in Him and let Him direct your path. You'll wind up somewhere scratching your head, and muttering, "I don't know how I got here, but it must be God." ... is that much different than the place you currently are right now, or did you plan it and bring it about in years gone by?

Some will say that a life like that won't work, but my answer is "Fine! Alright, but don't drag me into your unbelief." Maybe that is true for you, and the God that you have wouldn't let that work, but I don't want that kind of God.

With plans and goals come all kinds of manipulation, because we have to see that our plan is brought about. But, without a plan, I am free from an unbelieving mindset. As I remain restfully available, I don't need to fix the world around me, and fix the problems that come against me. Rather I can let problems fix me, and the problems drive me into God's presence.

It is a matter of what our goal really is, sister. Is our goal to succeed by the world's standard? Or is our goal the expression of the life of God manifest by the Spirit through us? If it is the first goal, than we have to know everything. If it is the second goal, then we get to be free and know nothing and just listen as we walk ... because our eyes are not on whether to go right our left, but our eyes are on the Lord.

Lets maximize our faith ... we have His promise that we are going to end well ... He is the Author and the Finisher of our faith ... so we can release our cares and just depend on our Shepherd.

This may seem out of reach and not really pertinent to what you were asking, but I am trying to see if you are ready to shift up a gear. You know what that is like in a car, to shift up a gear ... it is when your engine does less work, but the car is going faster. The gear is called faith, and it is demonstrated by Abraham ... it involves going and knowing not ... and it is shear delight for all those that shift into that gear. I pray you take this as encouragement.

Ripening for the harvest,


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Comments, Trackbacks, Pingbacks:

Comment from: terry fuller [Visitor]
Permalink 05/16/08 @ 18:52
Comment from: tpowers [Visitor]
God gives us the desires of our hearts. Does this guy match those desires that you have for your husband? If so then focus on that and he will set your path straight with your relationship. That is where the faith comes in. We are not responsible for determining the way to get what we desire. If he does not match this then focus on your desires and the right the person will come. Faith step one trust your true desires are from God, step two step out in faith with focus, not knowing the way, and all things about this relationship will be made clear to you. When you do this you are resting and abiding. When you focus on the person and when and how you are focusing on the way to get what you desire and not on the Way which God has provided.
Permalink 05/17/08 @ 11:03
Comment from: Timothy [Member] ·

("Lets maximize our faith" - love this one Trent)

Hebrews 11:1 CJB
Trusting(or faith) is being confident of what we hope for, convinced about things we do not see.

Heb 12:2
looking away to the Initiator and Completer of that trusting(faith), Yeshua...


"My people shall live by faith!"

"Only doubt and lack of faith causes you to stumble in this way."

"Patient endurance, My beloved daughter... patience in love and faith..."

"Wait on the Lord in all patience and in faith, with all trust."

"I am the Author and the Finisher of your faiths..."

~ God and Jesus
Permalink 05/18/08 @ 21:20

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