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_{by Trent - from Sept 2005}

We have this little joke around my family: "That makes me angry" we say with a smile. The toll road is now 50 cents more ... so "that makes me angry" we tell each other. Whenever something bad happens, we joke that it makes us angry. The reason that it is funny to us, is because we know that we are in charge of our own temperance, and it is not up to the world to prevent our anger.

Circumstances do not change what I am; they reveal what I am. Thus, it is up to myself to prevent my own anger.

I really do get angry sometimes. It seems like every time that I am angry, it is because I am afraid about something ... afraid that I will miss out, disappoint. loose, etc.

And the top reason that I have fear, is because of pretense. As I try to hold things together and keep up appearances, then I am highly stressed, because someone might find out that I am faking it ... and I want them to think that I really do have it all together. So the fear of unflattering disclosure of my limitations can quickly put me into a position where my anger is revealed. (I say 'anger is revealed', because that is what is really taking place. Nothing can make me angry, but many things can reveal my anger.) I want them to approve of me, but I think that will only happen if I am reliable.

With one hand I beckon them closer because I live for their smile, and with the other I push them away, so that I can hide my true condition ... all for the sake of my own kingdom.

For example:
Often I am angry when circumstance may have me arrive late. Why? Is it not because I am afraid what people will think of me, who are counting on me, or for whatever reason might be disappointed if I don't show up on time? What if I do show up late, and what if they do think badly of me? What if they don't trust me anymore and turn to someone else who shows up on time? What if I am cut out of something because of the accumulation of blown expectations upon me? Do you see how I might make "anger" into my little friend to control the situation so that won't happen? I'll just be angry enough to intimidate those around me so that they won't risk making me late and I can maintain my image.

Angry, because I fear. Afraid, because I fake.

Freedom is knowing that you no longer live for others approval, because you know that you are approved by God. Those that know that I have Christ living in me, would honor me for His sake even if I am always the last person to show up. If they cannot find it in themselves to do that, then so be it. I do not require them to do that, and instead I will honor them for the sake of Christ. They don't have to be lovely to earn my love, and I can choose to abandon the pretense and let them know what is always true: I am unreliable. I cannot be counted upon. In fact, it is a bit of a release to know that at least one group of people no longer has unrealistic expectations on me. Now, they know the truth, that I won't always do what I say, nor be where I said I would be at the time that I said that I would be there. So be it.

To walk in the light is to simply abandon the image building. In such a walk you will find alot less fear, and alot less anger. Wouldn't you agree that this is a more excellent way?