Post details: What I used to do..........


Permalink 09:30:02 pm, Categories: By Emily, 495 words   English (US)

What I used to do..........

Sunday morning, hurry and get the children ready for church. Take a shower, and run into my room and open up the closet door.
In a neat little row on the top shelf were thirty of my most expensive and precious masks. I would try them on, each one, in front of the mirror. As I would gaze at myself I would realize that maybe this particular mask was not the one I wanted to wear that day. So, depending on my mood, or who I wanted to impress for the day, I would put on a mask that would be either happy or sad....hurt and abused, or flirty and carefree. Didn't really matter either way to me at that point, all I cared about was what I looked like.
Until one day, I realized that I had gotten way too fat for all of my masks. None of them would fit anymore, my head had grown waaaaaaay too big. All I had left own face, as flawed as it may be. I sat down on the edge of my bed, put my face in my hands and started to cry. One of the most detrimental things I have been through.

I dropped off the edge of the bed and fell onto my knees. I realized at that point that all I had left was my own face. It had hideously deep scars, from wounds I had been through years before. Under my eyes were dark circles, from worrying too much about how I looked. There were red lines in my eyes, and my lips were cracked and dried from lack of substantial nourishment. And, above all else, my own head was swollen beyond recognition.
I glanced up at the ceiling, and felt the cool air from the fan on my cheeks.
It was then, at that very moment, that I realized...this is about as low as it gets. And it was then, in my own humility, that I asked the Lord to help me. "Jesus!" I cried, from the floor next to the dog. "Help me, nobody will like me, if I look like this! What shall I do now?"
Then I knew it, I knew He was saying, "I love you like this....I love you any way you are, and others should too." I started to argue, "but Lord, they will not love me, if I do not look like them...." As His presence pressed harder upon me, I realized that the only thing that mattered was whether Jesus loves me, and if I have truly accepted His love and forgiveness. Not one person...the One I need to worry about pleasing first and foremost is Jesus Christ, no other.
In the humility of one desperate moment, He brought me to much understanding....
And then, the dog came and put her head on my legs......and looked up at me with an admiring eye. Swollen head and all.......

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