Post details: Depressed with suicidal thoughts


Permalink 11:15:14 am, Categories: By Trent, GraceHead counseling, 1693 words   English (US)

Depressed with suicidal thoughts

This week, I got this emailed question from someone anonymously

Hi and thanks for taking the time to read this,

I was baptised in 1989 and for a while i felt Gods spirit and purpose. But since then i have fallen away ( got involved in relationships twice) but have been back in my church for about seven years but even in that time i have struggled internet ponography and paying taxes. I have also suffered from bipolar disorder since i was very young which causes me to be very depressed for a while and then switch to elated and euphoric feelings accompanied by periods of wreckless behaviour (financial overspending etc..).

I have never believed in taking anti-depressants because i feel they take my self control away and i am no longer in charge of my actions, so i have avoided taking pills eventhough i get very very low.

I used to feel Gods forgiveness when i repented but now i feel like my heart has become very hard and it does not respond and Satan has been accusing me for all the sins i have commited sins becoming a christian. He keeps accusing yet i don't feel God hhas forgiven me.

i would appreciate any advice or perspective that i can't see.

Thanks in advance .

Here is how I answered:

Feelings are not a proper gauge of reality.
For example, feeling the sun has gone dim does not make that so. The sun shines as bright, whether or not you feel it.

In order to gauge God's forgiveness we have evidence so that we don't have to rely upon feelings. We can see it and understand it and never doubt it.

Jesus submitted Himself to be brutally killed and punished for us.

That is proof that cannot be erased by feelings.

I know you believe that, so be thankful for it. You don't have to just take it on the chin from the accuser (satan.) You can say, "Yep, I did all that, and all of it would matter to my account, if not for Jesus ... of Whose sacrifice for me, I can be thankful eternally."

Turn each accusation into an opportunity to apply thanksgiving and exercise faith by saying "thanks."

For God to curse you and curse Jesus for the same crime would not be just. That would be double jeopardy, right? You can't serve time twice for the same mistake, ever. And all of those that have welcomed the Lord into their hearts are covered by His blood forever, cleansed forever, and made pure forever.

Romans 8 says there is therefore, now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ... which means that whenever I have moved my believing away from Christ Jesus, I am bound to feel condemned. The condemnation feeling is a symptom of where we are believing.

I have just showed you that we can take all accusations and lay them at the foot of the cross, believing that those things would have only mattered if Jesus never took away the sin of the world on the cross. The other response is to forget about Jesus, and to forget that you are placed into Jesus, and then we have no place other than Him to hide, so the sin and condemnation sticks to us.

You cannot be released from condemnation if you are perfect, brother. Perfect people are guiltless, so of course they have no reason to be condemned. The only people that can be released from condemnation are those that are guilty. There is nothing wrong with a man that is guilty to be condemned, that makes sense. It never makes sense that a perfect person to be condemned, because they have never done anything to be condemned for. The reason that I say all of this ... is you might be thinking "Oh, Trent ... I do things really wrong and maybe I deserve condemnation for all my failures and broken promises." Well, you have to do things for which you deserve condemnation in order to be given the gift of no-condemnation.

Everyone that receives the gift of no-condemnation, would be otherwise condemned, you see? They are all guilty, and thus it is a gift when their sins are no longer taken into account.

"But Trent," I hear, "I am not alltogether wonderful in God's sight, and He may not want me 'in Christ.'"

Well, to that I say if you were alltogether wonderful, then God would have no need to put you in Christ. He puts us in Christ because we are a mess otherwise. For everyone that does not need to be placed in Christ, they can stand before God on their own. In heaven we will sing, "Worthy is the Lamb, and worthy are these that did not need the Lamb." LOL. That is a joke, isn't it!?! Impossible, for we have all lost our way and done that which is displeasing to God. And we all, because we have failed, are now qualified to be placed In Christ, rather than next to Him. We have all been guilty, so we are all qualified for the gift of no condemnation which is in Christ.

So, where is your believing, brother? Are you able to be thankful for the gift of no condemnation? That is how you accept gifts, right ... with thanksgiving! And, so be therefore thankful that you are in Christ, and that He is sufficient, and beautiful, and worthy, and righteous, and so are all those that are placed in Him. Not because of what we have done, but because of what He has done for us. To not trust Him is to leave the only place of shelter, and to go our own way in disbelief. There is no other sacrifice that can right our wrongs, so in Him we stand ... and we are loved (warts and all.)

I want you to do something to renew your mind on these truths. I want you to read Paul's letters in the New Testament. Galations, and Romans, and Hebrews are great starting points. Then, download and listen to some of the audio tracks at my library online:

You are beloved of the Lord, brother. Don't you see? He so longs to hold you that He reaches down to a dark place, getting torn and cut by every barb of the enemy, but He does so gladly. He is delighted because He knows the joy in holding you, and picking you up, receiving you into His arms. He is longing to wipe away your tears, and heal your feeble body, to stand tall and run in a field prepared for you. He was not angry that He had to bail you out ... rather He went through all of that with joy of the opportunity to be with you for Eternity. All of your longings are met in Him and He wants to share all good things with you. He is pleased beyond measure that in this dark place, those whom He loves, sit here and know and believe and are thankful for what their eyes have yet to behold, for they see these things with the evidence of knowing that comes through revelation.

Now, brother, write on a sheet all the things of which you count to yourself as unworthy. Make a list. You might need more than one sheet, or use both sides. Then when you can think no more of another burden, hold this up to the sky while laying on your back. Hold them up and pray for each item, giving them one-by-one to the Lord. Then hold them longer, and longer, and as you approach an hour of holding these things, that paper will weigh what it actually weighs. It will be too heavy to hold any longer ... and you will have to lay it down. When you lay it down, don't pick it back up. Lay in in the trash, and be done with it. You have given these things to the Lord, and they are His to deal with, no longer yours. If He does not remove them right away, do not think that He had given them back. He will take them when He wants to. Be therefore thankful that He will come to deliver in His own timing all the things of which you have cast upon Him. Arise in the warm glow of His grace, and the freedom of an unburdened life.

Ever notice that two people cannot untie a knot at the same time? One must let go for the other to give the knot a try. Will you let go, and let God? These knots are for the Lord to untie, to as many as will lay them aside.

Ripening for the harvest,

Then I immediately did this follow up:

You said earlier, that you have "fallen away" ... and I want you to revise your definition of that. You said it was falling away into relationships, etc. I want you to see that it was first a falling out of belief before a falling out in behavior. You fell out of faith, before your fell into sin.

Right believing makes for right behaving. Get to the root of the problem. Your falling out is believing that your actions = your standing before the Lord. See? That is far worse than mass-murder, or homosexuality, or any other shameful deed, for in heaven there will be mass-murderers that are counted among the apostles (Paul,) and there will be adulterers that are counted as men after God's own heart (David.) ... but there will not be anybody that is there that believes there own actions merit their place in heaven. So repent, but first repent of your wrong believing! That is the root!

Believe on Jesus!

Secondly, I know lots of people that don't like their medicines for bi-polar, but they take it, and their family and themselves have much more order and less chaos. It is pretty selfish to make others deal with your disorder because you just don't like the side-effects of a pill. Be wise in these things, brother.


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Comment from: Pam [Member]
Really good, Trent. Edifying to us all and not only the depressed.

Permalink 10/23/07 @ 18:55

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