I got a real tough question 5 days ago, and this one really got me thinking and praying:
What is the difference between having a grudge against someone or unforgiveness? I feel I will still help this person if I had to but I just don't care to be in their presence because of what he has done and caused in my family.
I finally started my reply, but I didn't know what I was going to say. It just came together as an answer to prayer. Read more ...
I have felt the same way. Being honest, this is a current personal struggle for me. Even to want to be around a family member, with whom their presence is distasteful to me. I had to search deep within myself with this question. I don't have any quick patent answers to disperse, because such subtle impressions upon the soul are not easily untangled.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Colossians 3:13
I don't want to be like a man that was forgiven a million dollar debt, and went out to beat up someone that owes him a nickel, but often I find it hard to let things go. Just because we want to be as forgiving in this way, we often lack the presence and strength to carry out the desires. So, learning to love our enemies, is a lesson in our weakness.
What if we are created weak? What if it really would be more of a shock to God to see us love enemies than it would surprise Him that we often don't? I'm just saying that it isn't right to assume that we can simply fulfill the ways of the Lord on our own, even when we desire to. We simply can't do what we want to do on our own, can we?
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. -- Romans 7:18-19
We can't do it on our own. We are weak. We need Jesus.
God designed it this way.
What I feel, is my weakness pulling against the temptation, and it vexes me. I can't handle it, but was I ever supposed to handle it??
I can not handle it, nor am I supposed to handle it. I can do nothing apart from Him, so I've changed my attitude, and react differently. I take each vexation that I feel in my weakness as a prompting and opportunity to cast myself upon the Lord.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-- 2 Corinthians 12:10I just couldn't have strength, when I refused to admit that I was weak. I could not find His strength to forgive and love my enemies, when I would not admit that I have no ability on my own to do it. It is a breakthrough of power to be aware of our weakness.
Now, we aren't hiding our weakness, we embrace it as God's design. There is no self-discipline to overcome it, we just surrender it and trade-up for His strength.
I have run out of love for my family member, but truth is ... I never had enough love anyway. I want to love, but I am empty of it, with none to give. Lord Jesus, you have love to spare, so I welcome you hear. Holy Spirit, come and be the love for others that I lack. Father, I choose now, what your will is ... the manifestation of your love in me, but not by power, nor by might, but by your Spirit. Come, God, and be in me exactly what I am not, for I know I cannot love with your love. The design of weakness in me, has become an opportunity for your grace, and I welcome you to live in me, as though it were me, but knowing that it is you ... loving even my enemy.
And I love, but it isn't me. Well, it is me, but it really isn't. It is the Lord Jesus, living in me as though it was me. Only I have made a new choice, and welcomed Him and His ways, to come and efface my lacks.
I wonder if you are in the same place, where you absolutely need the Lord Jesus every minute of every day. You always did, but now at least you are more aware of it. You need Him to be the love that you cannot supply. It will have you kissing the cheek of your offender, and them thinking that you are a wonderful person. All the while you will know that you ran out of love a long time ago. All the love is not yours, but out of His bountiful supply.
Be strong, friend, in the power of His might.
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