Post details: The Power Of Mercy Over Death


Permalink 02:08:27 pm, Categories: By Pam, 1460 words   English (US)

The Power Of Mercy Over Death

I have not always known, Jesus but He has always known me. Through Him I was knit together in my mother's womb and in Him, I am held together. Jesus has held me together, and continues to hold me, in the face of much uncertainty. All of our lives are lived in uncertainty. However, I have been given to face the reality of that uncertainty every day as I have never been a healthy person. I have been made ever mindful of the shadow of death that hangs over me.


I was born too soon and too small. A few days home from the hospital, my parents found me unconscious and not breathing. God through them, miraculously, revived me. I couldn't use my arms and was unable to catch myself when I fell and as a result, didn't walk until I was three. My mom trained me to use my arms by teaching me to pull up on a broom handle. I finally learned to walk only to be struck down by scarlet fever. I was not taken to the doctor soon enough and became too weak to walk. After spending a year in recovery, I had to learn to walk again. I was not well enough to start school until I was seven. However, I was so small that I was often mistaken for a four-year-old. I missed more school than I attended and being in bed is my most familiar childhood memory.

My parents drank heavily and I don't ever remember not knowing the taste of alcohol. It was the governing force in our household and when I was sick, I was treated with alcohol. I grew up under substance abuse and I too adopted that way of living. However,in my time, there began to be many more substances readily available for abuse. I whole heartedly availed myself of them. I was confused by life and angry. Raised in a house of rebellion, I became ferociously rebellious and set my feet firmly on the road of self-destruction.

At fifteen, I was a run-away, throw-away child. I was looked after by those who could profit from my childish gullibility. Treated like garbage, I became garbage, and regarded myself as garbage. My only relief was the euphoria of drugs that for brief periods of time deadened that in me that continually ached to know love. I came of age, fully like those who had trained me. I was completely hardened with a heart and mind set only upon evil and the fulfilling of my craving for sin. I, at eighteen, was far past any hope of reformation.

At nineteen, I came fully to my end. Years of drug abuse and the life that goes with it had reduced me to near nothing. I was sick and weighed only 75 pounds. I was loved by no one and loved no one in return. I believed love to be an illusion and longed to be swallowed by that shadow of death that has always hung over me. In fact, my life was nothing but a celebration of death. A continual ring-around-the-rosie that left me with nothing but a pocket full of ashes. I saw nothing for myself that was desirable or obtainable and longed only to become those ashes. I did, by the power of my drugs, descend into death and was briefly swallowed there. I was revived and was so filled with despair that I cried tears of remorse when I awakened again to a world with no love. The few moments of my death were but total darkness and nothingness and I preferred that to the pain that I knew as life.

I didn't know to look for Jesus. I didn't know Him or know much about Him. I know now that what I was longing for was Him. There were times in the midst of my merciless existence, that He called to me but I was not ready to hear or to see. It was when I had been fully humbled and brought completely low by my personal tribulation that Jesus opened my eyes and ears to Him and called me out of that tribulation. Though I was long past any hope of reformation, I was not beyond the hope of regeneration through the power of the Mercy of God in Jesus. Jesus, filled with compassion, reached down to me as a young woman, destroyed from without and from within, and enabled me to reach back to Him. All that was good in me had died and the void left behind was filled with Jesus. Being that there was so little left of me left much room for Him. The gaping chasm within me was filled to overflowing with His Love. I was filled with the Love that is Life and all that had once been good in me as child, was quickened as I began to regenerate and become the person God intended me to be. I was reborn.

God has left me a thorn in my flesh that is a reminder of the life of death that I led before Him. As a result, I have never known what it is like to be truly, physically healthy. He has left that weakness in me to keep me ever mindful of that which is the fullness of my own way without Him. It is the struggle with my health that keeps me ever dependent on Him. It is through sickness that He makes time for me to listen to no one but Him. It is through sickness that God has built His Compassion and Mercy in me that I might know the fullness of that which He extended to me. He has given me to know somewhat, of the suffering of Jesus and the capacity to understand the suffering of others. It is in sickness that God has bestowed His greatest blessings for by it, I decrease and in me, He increases. The weaker I become, the stronger He is in me. The depths of my weakness only makes room for the height of His Power and Strength.

My life now, by human standards, is quite uncertain. I don't know how long the Father will choose to leave me here with my family and friends. Physically, I have become more limited than I sometimes can bear. I don't want to face the pain ahead of me that seems certain and though I don't want to leave those here that I love, I also don't want to be a burden. I want always to be useful and there is in me a great longing to be fully enveloped in Christ and to put off completely this body of death. The death that I once longed for the fullness of, I now know to be but a shadow. This shadow that has ever held me within its merciless grip will not only lose its grip on me but by the Power of God's Mercy in Christ, oneday consume itself and hold no one anymore. The shadow is losing its power over me as I pass into the fullness of Light and Life. Though I am uncertain of my future, I rest in His certainty. I am happy and blessed. My heart overflows with His Joy. God has given me wonderful things amid this life of pain and even the pain is a blessing for He is faithful to work it for my good.

The Power of God's Mercy that is Jesus the Christ, that has been poured out on me, fully without merit, is open to all. For as I am being fully restored to my Father, so is this same Power of God's Mercy at work in the world (a world fully in the grip of sin, its sickness, and death) that all may be restored to Him. As I pass from that which is mortal (that life that is limited by death) to that which is immortal,( life made limitless by He Who is Life)so shall all that is mortal and visible one day, pass into Life as all things are gathered together in Christ. Death is the temporary state, merely a passing shadow, made strong by man's fear. Do not fear! It is the Mercy of God that is bestowed in the person of Jesus that strips death of that which gives it its strength. Perfect Love castes out all fear and God is Love. True Love is self-existent as God is self-existent and God loves you simply because you are. Look to Jesus, accept His Mercy, know His Love. All who look to Jesus, will learn by His perfect Love not to fear death and death will be made powerless. Look to Jesus and Live!

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Comment from: SocietyVs [Visitor]
Pam he loves you and he always has - even when it went un-noticed. He saw you in those times of struggle and pain and He never forgot you - nor will He. He knows the inner-most beauty of your heart and He has always seen that - even when you could not act rightfully upon it. But He never forgot you nor did he ever think you weren't worth the time. He hung on that cross for you, me, and a whole lot more people - who also struggle with these inner issues.

I realize that God is love and that his main characteristic is love - and that He still wants the best for you - even when others may not understand what the best for you is - but you do. I know you love God - as expressed in your above letter - and that is what the world needs now - some real love. Thanks for this - I appreciate your honesty.
Permalink 02/14/07 @ 15:28
Comment from: Trent [Member] ·
Excellent testimony to God's unfathomable mercy and grace - love without end, and forgiveness for all. Beyond all that, salvation through His life.

Permalink 02/14/07 @ 17:35
Comment from: Pam [Member]
Hey guys,

God is so good and even though I've known some tough times, He has also blessed me with some wonderful times and filled those times with wonderful people and filled my whole life with love. I have never been loveless since the day He opened my eyes to see and my ears to hear. I have lived long enough now that those horrible years as a teenager are but a very small part of my life and even though some of the things that harmed me back then have taken the rest of my life to heal, Jesus has walked me through that healing process every step of the way. He gave me a husband who has faithfully loved me for nearly thirty years and not only does he love me, he actually taught me what love truly is. My husband loves me the same way that Jesus does. He loves me simply because I am. That is the kind of love I want to extend to all others. What better way to show my love for Jesus than to give what He has so freely given me. Mercy is but one aspect of the Love that is God but it is the aspect of Love that reaches the most unlovable. I love Jesus because He first loved me and also enabled me to love others by first reaching down to me in Mercy born of His compassion.

Yes, society the world needs real love and that real love is Jesus.

Permalink 02/15/07 @ 00:22
Comment from: SocietyVs [Visitor]
Maybe that real love is in your hands now too?
Permalink 02/15/07 @ 16:10
Comment from: Pam [Member]
Hi Society,

Yes, it is but it doesn't come from me, it comes from Jesus Who lives in me. I hope that in all that the Lord sets before me to do that I extend His Love, Mercy, Compassion, and Truth to others. In all that I do or say, I hope to point them toward Christ because only He can truly give them what He has given me in a lasting way. Each of us has to look to Jesus for ourselves and I believe Jesus when He said that if He be lifted up then all men would be drawn to Him. All I truly desire to do is lift Him and I yearn for the day when all men will be drawn to Him.:0)

Permalink 02/15/07 @ 18:18
Comment from: C Grace [Visitor] ·
Is 54:10-12
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise,your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones."

One of the mysteries of God that I am in awe over is the fact that somehow, in the incomprehensible transformation that takes place in Christ, all those wounds, all that destruction that sin causes in our lives gets turned into the most beautiful part of us. It is the hardships we suffer, our scars healed by His mercy that become the rubies and the sapphires of our life. These become the shining testament to Christ that bring him glory. I look back over my own wretched childhood and I wouldn't replace it with a happy one if I could. I realize that changing it would take something beautiful out of God's city.
Permalink 02/15/07 @ 18:27
Comment from: Pam [Member]
Hi C. Grace,

A beautiful quote from one of my favorite books in the Bible, the other being the book of Hebrews.:0)

Yes it is the areas of greatest pain that God seems to use the most. I certainly have not had the kind of life that seems to be promoted as a victorious Christian life even after my salvation. There are peaceful times but much of life is a struggle but the pain of it fades with the fullness of Christ as each death we daily die makes more room for Christ to be formed in us. Though we are dieing, we are continually becoming and the more we die and then grow, the greater the joy that seems to bubble to overflowing now. God is so good and what life could be more wonderful than to know Him and enjoy Him every day. Certainly no riches or perfect family can compare.

I am glad that my childhood is over but I know that all that damaged me there as been made over. As layer by layer I find forgiveness, I am released from the pain of it and drawn ever closer to God. I am not sorry for living the life that God has appointed me to live and I'll not be ashamed either for the testimony of the power of Jesus in my life is my life and the message I'm intended to share. May every sorrow and every sinful action on my own part be used to point others to Jesus.:0)

Permalink 02/15/07 @ 19:59
Comment from: Len [Visitor] ·
Who've learned many valuable lessons, Pam. - that is precisely what makes you a great teacher, ... and so very very dependent upon Jesus as your all in all.

Please keep writing and sharing from your heart.

Permalink 02/16/07 @ 01:46
Comment from: Len [Visitor] ·
Never yield to the false humility that says, "GOD does not so honor those whose greatness is of Him and IN Him."

ALL *true* greatness rebounds to GOD's glory.
Permalink 02/17/07 @ 00:24

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