Post details: Offended and demanding an apology ...


Permalink 12:49:03 am, Categories: By Trent, GraceHead counseling, 955 words   English (US)

Offended and demanding an apology ...

Has somebody done something that is just too much. Maybe they didn't do it to you, but still you want a personal apology. Somebody asked me if there was anything wrong about how they didn't get an apology that a certain church memeber committed adultury against their spouse. They felt betrayed, even though they weren't even directly involved.

Here is a portion of my reply ...

Matthew 5:23-25
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

What Matthew 5:23 is saying applies to the adulterer (and you and me) in this way - at the very moment we are aware of how we have wronged somebody, let us make haste to go to them and correct what we have done. Whether or not it is a big deal or a small deal. It does not matter if the persons that we have wronged are offended or nonchalant or ignorant. We have no excuses. We are never suited to delay once we remember. And this applies just as much to forgetting to pay the parking meter (and getting away with robbing the city,) as it does to murder and gossip.

The situation precludes DIRECT harm. In no way does Matthew 5:23 address hurt feelings from indirectly offended onlookers.

The Bible has much to say about offended spectators. These people are the ones that might say "I can't believe that he did that!" and "Shame on her!" with "How dare you!?!" .written upon their face. These people don't have to say it ... "I am glad that I am not as other men" (Luke 18:11.) ... it seeps from every pore in their bodies. These are the people that would act as a mob of law-teachers indignant about a woman's sin, with fists clenched tight on rocks ready to kill the offender (John 8:7.) Have we forgotten what a relief the death of Jesus came to those that He offended (Matthew 15:11-13?)

Nowhere in the Bible is there any support for the right of one person to cast shame on another. Yet many that claim to follow Jesus with their mouth, actively deny Jesus by assuming the right to cast shame. I have seen "Christians" cast enough shame to make even the most self-righteous heathen blush.

Romans 14:4
"Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand."

This reminds me of a story that a friend once told me. Mike has a habit of asking great men of faith how they wound up so mature in the Lord. The story goes something like this ... When Mike asked an elder how he was able to finish the race so well, and even at his ripe age be so effective for the Kingdom, the wise elder reached into his breast pocket and pulled out two of his pens, holding them out on the table.
"Who's strength and glory is holding up these pens?"

"Yours" said Mike.

Immediately, the elder let one of the pens drop on the table. Then the elder said, listen to the pen that I am still holding.

Cautiously, Mike put his ear near the standing pen, not knowing that the elder could throw his voice.

"Just look at you." Said the standing pen to the fallen pen, "Can't you do anything right? I just can't believe that you would sink so low, and behave so poorly! Don't you even understand the Bible, and how to live right?"

Then the elder looked at Mike and said, "I am sick of holding this loud one." .. and he let the standing pen fall down on the table next to the other. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out another pen ...

"Who's glory makes this pen stand?"

"Still, yours" said Mike.

"What is wrong with you two?" Said the standing pen to the two fallen pens, "You sicken me, with such a terrible demonstration of what you could be, if you only believed as I do, and did what I do, and say what I know you should say ..."

Then the elder let this one drop as well. Again and again, the elder did this until he was out of pens and five fallen pens lay on the table.

Mike got the point.

Q: Want to finish well?
A: Don't come down hard on those that have fallen by forgetting why you stand and they do not. To God be all the glory! Lets be thankful that by His Spirit we are not taken prisoner by error, if we are not.

We want to finish well, and by God's grace we will, with the understanding that without God's grace, we would be hopeless and helpless as the worst sinner around.

In short, Christians are not suited for offense, and the world has not yet seen the effect that a group of Christians could have on a world that has been convinced that no matter what they have done in the past, they can come and worship the Lord among believers that cannot be offended, because God is rich in mercy and able to wash clean the most disgusting stains.

Have I offended you in this answer? I don't want to offend you, but I understand that offense is part of life. We all get offended. My hope is that we are offended again and again, challenged by more and more offending things ... until one day we can look into each other's eyes and with honest conviction say: "You can no longer offend me."

Trackback address for this post:

Comments, Trackbacks, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Len [Visitor] ·
Hi Trent. Many things could be said here: it is an important area. There are DEFINITE Biblical guidelines for *the willingness* and *the importance* of offering
apologies for past offenses, wrongs, or injuries (whether real, imaginary; intended or UNintended). - Christians should be QUICK to be willing to apologize and thus seek to be reconciled. Those who are not willing, only increase their bondage and the "hard-reaping" involved.
Forgiveness (note: FORGIVENESS, not necessarily TRUST) is, of course, an absolute necessity and divine
But those who INITIATE and CONTINUE offenses and then REFUSE to either acknowledge *their own* wrong, REFUSE to repent OR apologize, are covered by the admonition: "woe be unto those who offend one of my little ones." (!) - Surely no one wants 'a millstone' hung around their neck and to be "cast into the midst of the sea."
GOD takes offenses and slander seriously. - and on the Net-boards (and in RL) these kinds of admonitions need to be taken seriously.
Here's the summary: " Be quick to hear, slow to wrath
[ie/unrighteous anger] " . . . and QUICK and WISE to apologize sincerely to the hurt, the insulted, or offended. - Nothing less in GOD's eyes is either right or righteous.
Permalink 04/17/06 @ 03:36
Comment from: Len [Visitor] ·
btw, bro.: Just for the record (because I have been accused of doing so), I have
NEVER 'demanded' an apology from anyone. (at least not in the last 20 years or so...
:^) ... anyway...
But I *have told people and warned them that if they REFUSE to offer apologies and REFUSE to seek reconciliation...there are definite consequences from GOD, ... and they are very clearly outlined in the Word of GOD.*
May GOD forgive me if I have ever 'shamed' anyone who has proven to be an enemy or a relentless attacker. - Shame or humiliation was not my intention, ... but then: perhaps they needed someone to confront them...or even "jolt them" a little or a lot. GOD knows. - and ONLY GOD Is a very very Righteous and IMPARTIAL Judge. thus may we all cease to be so quick to 'judge' others with our very very PARTIAL knowledge and understanding.
Shalom and GOD bless. Len
Permalink 04/17/06 @ 03:52
Comment from: Pam [Member]
Hi Trent,

I read this earlier today and have been considering the act of casting shame all day.

First of all, I really like the phrase, "casting shame" and I know that I have heard it but not in recent usuage. It is one of those wonderful quaint expressions that hold so much meaning. It is literally a shadow of shame. Shadows of shame can destroy a good Christian fellowship by freezing up all honest communication between believers. Everyone can become so afraid of not being perfect, not living up to the standards of others in the group, that the Holy Spirit Himself is cast out as a judgemental spirit casts a shadow over all. I have some dear brothers and sisters who have fallen into the trap of casting shame and this article has emboldened me to confront them about it. I want to do so in love and I definitely want to resist their casting that nasty shadow on me. Please, pray for me that I might be able to restore my friends without casting a nasty shadow of my own!

Permalink 04/17/06 @ 23:11

Leave a comment:

Your email address will not be displayed on this site.
Your URL will be displayed.
Allowed XHTML tags: <p, ul, ol, li, dl, dt, dd, address, blockquote, ins, del, span, bdo, br, em, strong, dfn, code, samp, kdb, var, cite, abbr, acronym, q, sub, sup, tt, i, b, big, small>
(Line breaks become <br />)
(Set cookies for name, email & url)

I serve , the Lord.

Please enter the name of the Lord (the Risen One) into the entry area BEFORE clicking on the Send comment button.

Hint: the version of the name is the English version, not the Hebrew way to say His name. All letters are uppercase. Rhymes with "freeze us."

Blog All

Automatically aggregates all posts from all other blogs. This allows you to easily track everything that is posted on this system. You can hide this blog from the public by unchecking 'Include in public blog list' in the blogs admin.

July 2013
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
<<  <   >  >>
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31        


this site  web    



Syndicate this blog XML

What is RSS?

powered by