For MORE QUESTIONS like this, click here.

I received this question- Any advice for someone stuck in this situation?

Question -

Question: I divorced my wife (we both are Christians) a few years ago(I was unfaithful, she forgave me but I still wanted out), and now found a new love. We want to marry (she too is Christian), but I am worried that our marriage would be wrong in God's eyes. If I marry again ,Am I an adulterer and doomed to hell?

After praying about it, I gave this reply:

I spent the last couple of days thinking about what to tell you. I have a lot of opinions about this topic. So hold on to your seat.
:-)

I want you to be imbued with the notion that there is not a monolithic viewpoint on the subject of marriage and divorce and remarriage. Even scholars find it difficult to find common ground on the Biblical interpretation of the topic. You should search your heart and find the Truth that sets you free. Do not be satisfied with confusion. Trust that the Holy Spirit will lead you to the Truth. My part, is not to replace the faculty of the Spirit, but organize thoughts toward the truth so that as your thoughts approach it, you can be touched with a revelation. Spiritual revelation belongs to you, don’t ever say that “Trent says that …” because Truth does not belong to me. If it touches you, then own it for yourself as a gift from God, OK?
;-)

I hope to render two things that must be carefully brought together, so that there is no overlapping. Hopefully, you will be able to see how these things work together, and yet remain separate. I want to help you understand: 1) The Biblical revelation of God’s will concerning the keeping of vows, AND 2) The way a Christian should think, and decide complicated issues of life. And through this discussion I hope to impart liberal portions of deep understanding of God’s unlimited grace, and His unconditional love.

The thought occurred to me, that your questions might be better answered in reverse order. So, I will start by commenting on the last part of your question:

You wrote: === If I marry again ,Am I an adulterer and doomed to hell?===

[name], you are an adulterer. Yes. Even if you do not remarry, you are STILL a deprived sinner in need of mercy and grace. So am I. Jesus said that lust is the same as adultery, and who among men can claim innocence? Nobody. That is why Jesus said it, only the sick need a physician, and many are deceived about their alleged spiritual health and therefore have pushed away God’s miraculous salvation. Among those, that are doomed to hell, is the self-righteous person that says that they are innocent and sinless. Do not be illusioned about your wickedness, [name]. Your righteousness is as filthy mistral rags. Though our sins be as scarlet, they will be as white as snow, for anyone that stands before God trusting fully upon what Jesus did, rather then what they did. Have you any confidence in the flesh? Will you stand before God depending on your works, or the works of Jesus?

If you make the faith-choice to depend on God, rather then self, then your reward will be great. You will have the very life of God imparted and intermingled within your innermost being. As a partaker of the divine nature, you will stand in Christ’s righteousness, His perfection, His holiness, His godliness, and His sinlessness. If you would give Jesus a perfect 10 in those categories, then it would be disbelief to give yourself a lower score. Let that soak in. If it is true for you, then you have much reason to give thanks! It takes faith to say “Thank You.” Have you said “Thank You?”

You also wrote: ===We want to marry (she too is Christian), but I am worried that our marriage would be wrong in God's eyes. ===

Do you remember you vows to your first wife? I know that God does. I bet it went something like this: “ … for better or worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do we part.” Is that correct? Notice the last part “until death do we part.” That is the way out, is it not? You did not say “until my taste changes do we part.” You did not say “until you dump me.” You did not say “ until you divorce and remarry someone else.” You made a vow, promise, oath, contract, and solemn sober covenant until death. *gulp* So did I when I married.

The scary thing about making that promise is that you don’t know all there is to know about the person that you are making the vow to. They may have deceived you, and really be something evil and mean. They may embarrass, and harm you, but that was not the way out either. It is until death. So, we may want to change them and control them and make them a factor of non-disturbance in our life. We want them to be the same as us, or at least always on our side. We might merely see them as a possession and unruly subjects of our kingdom on earth. But, Oneness is never accomplished as the result of forced sameness. Committing to someone that may harm or hurt you reveals deeply how God loves us and seeks our oneness.

There is an interesting custom in Jewish weddings. Before the ceremony, the groom visits the bride and covers her head with a veil. Then he leaves her to wait for her to come forward. Traditionally this is explained as the groom "making sure who the bride is." Why? Because Jacob was tricked by his father-in-law, who traded Rachel (who Jacob was fond of) for Leah, his other daughter. Jacob consummated with Leah in the dark before he realized the deception. Jacob accepted his fate, and later also married the woman of his choice, Rachel.

The "traditional explanation" is weak. The tradition of the groom and veil is NOT a way of making sure of whom the bride is. If that were the case then there would not be a veil and the groom could examine her during the ceremony. No, the veil is a way to describe love. The groom may not know whom he is marrying and indeed will not know everything about her. But, he will commit to love and learn to make room for all that he does not know about her. That is the meaning of the veil, for we read that Jacob made room for Leah in his life and later was buried with her, instead of the bride of his choice.

The point is that many people have not learned the love of God. His love always makes room for others and commits to do so. Indeed I want to know His love fully and pass it on to others. To do so, I must commit to accept others, even though I do not know all there is to know about them. As a man and woman commit in marriage. I must make room for their differences and achieve oneness apart from taking on a conquest of sameness. Marriage is the commitment of that love, and God intends to fulfill the commitment through anyone yielded to Him.

You also wrote: === I divorced my wife (we both are Christians) a few years ago(I was unfaithful, she forgave me but I still wanted out), and now found a new love===

[name], you are conflicted and worried that you might be making a mistake. And you might be making a big one. The thing is, that you are looking to man (me) for approval, rather then asking God for direction. Without a firm conviction, you are on shaky ground.

Here is the advice that I usually give with regard to marriage: Marry the person that you have in mind, if and ONLY IF, to not marry them would be an abominable rebellious sin against the clear and direct command of God as LORD of your life. * double gulp *

I know that hit you hard, but do you think that you would be in this stressful position if you applied that principle in your life with regard to your first spouse?

If you are not sure that God can give a clear and direct command, then trust me … HE CAN! Wait for Him, be honest about your doubt. Doubt is the natural state of a mind has not been impressed with the spiritual instruction. If you agree that He can do it, then demand that He does it. He can give you the grace to wait, and He will instruct anyone that is still and listens.

And while you are waiting, please think about this:

I personally know three people, that have trusted God and been given the grace to keep their vows, even though their spouse has long ago broken their vows. That is to say that they wear their wedding ring and forsake all others until God brings about the end of their oath, on the day that the other dies. I have spoken to each of them about this, and each have said that it has been more then hard, But God has been more then sufficient, and that they have only the regret of making the vow, but no regrets that they kept their end of it.

Are these people cursed or blessed? What charge can be made against these that illustrate God's character as they abide in Him for the strength to be true? Hasn’t He been more longsuffering in keeping His promises to us?

God will not bring you to a problem that He cannot bring you through. I dare you to prove me wrong.
:-)

• "Oneness, not Sameness"
• Today's Christ is Tomorrow's Worms.
• Abandon the mask
• Don't trade your big problem for another little problem.