_{by Trent - from Oct 2005}

Am I best defined by how I behave under the worst circumstance or under the most ideal circumstance?

Here is my Christmas wish list of the ideal impression that I want to leave.
(is yours like mine?):

• Handsom
• Brilliant
• Spiritual
• Family-man
• Entertaining
• Calm, cool, collected
• Confident
• Flexible ... and more

At my worst, I am this list.
(is yours different?):

• Foolish
• Perverted
• Angry
• Selfish
• Afraid
• Hopless
• Rigid
• Carnal
• Disgusting
• Unreliable
• Insincere
• Vengful
• Boring ... and more

I am here to say that the most accurate definition of my condition is the second list.  Wouldn't you rather know how someone behaves during hardship? Even if I somehow leave the proper/desired impression, then I am only a hardship away from revealing my other list.

The effort to mask my condition with external deception is called "charm."

The impression is not reality. "Charm is deceiving." (Sidenote: Consider Jesus during hardship - "Forgive them, for they know not what they do. " )

So, I will pull you close with one hand and push you away with my other. I want you to be impressed with me, but I want you to not get so close that you figure out what I am really capable of.

The deception is that by reforming my behavior, that I can change my inner self. Even God did not attempt that. The hope of the Gospel is that I can exchange my inner self (Adam) for God's life (Christ.) ... and this new life will express God's characteristics instead of mine, moment by moment as I rely upon Him.

Can you imagine what a relief it is to abandon the mask?