"Agree quickly with your adversary" (Matt. 5:25)
If you have had any debates on discussion forums, then the chances are that you have had someone try to manipulate you, unless the person that was debating against you was careful not to use this unethical means.
Does this sound familiar: "Do you want to be put on ignore?" Or how about old reliable: "You are going to hell if you don't agree with me."
So how does this work, and how can it be fought without employing more unethical means?
Manipulation is used like leverage to move the otherwise unmovable.
I work in construction material sales. We supply concrete contractors, so that means that our two most popular items are post-tension cables and steel. Most of the time we have to deliver the stuff to job-sites, and one day we were shorthanded on drivers and one of them got hurt, so I delivered twelve tons of steel for him. That day, I learned about leverage.
The problem with delivering is getting the cables and steel off the truck with a pry bar. Steel is bundled by the ton (2000 lbs.) and each cable bundle is coated with grease. That means that the whole truck has a layer of grease on it. And I soon found out that the truck was too slippery to have any leverage. Everything that I pushed against would slip, and it took nearly an hour of back breaking work to move the bundle only a couple of feet. This is the principal of a "fulcrum" because a fulcrum gives you a immovable surface from which to pry the heavy object. I needed a fulcrum to move the steel. This is the principle of manipulation: people that manipulate you are looking to find something to pry against.
If someone wants to manipulate you, then the person that is moving you, needs only to find your fulcrum. And they will keep trying it until they find it.
What are the fulcrums on which you let people pry? Reputation? Image? Comfort? Money? Esteem? Power? Admiration? Security? Superiority? Strength?
As long as you retain those things that seem so important, than it is your will to keep them will allow anyone with the desire to manipulate, to manipulate you to do almost anything. Retaining those things provides the fulcrum. Releasing those things prevents a fulcrum. Whether you escape manipulation or be manipulated largely depends on how you let people control you by hanging on to reputation, comfort and the like.
I had a gang of manipulative thugs attempt to manipulate me recently. I will hit the highlights because this is a perfect example.
The first thing that happened was name calling, looking for the fulcrum of reputation. I was portrayed as inferior as an attempt to see if my lust for superiority would make it easy for them to condemn me. I was told that I "play word games," and "muddy the water" etc. But, they were just softening me up for some of the nastier implications - "new age" peddler (an attempt to push against a pious pride,) "distorter/diluter of the truth" (to wreck a lust for esteem or admiration), I was told that "your words imply that you are playing for the wrong team" (an attempt to destroy a need for companionship/kinship,) then it was implied that I was "bought and sold" (an attempt to imply push against a projecting of strength,) then I was told that I would be "judged" (trying to pry against an assumed need for security.) But, even at this stage they were just getting warm.
You know when I was trying to pry some of the steel off the truck, some people saw my efforts and each unsuccessful try meant that I would try harder next time. I knew it could be done, but I just needed to find the trick that would make it possible. After all, we do this every day. As I struggle with my pry bar and the Houston heat, some workers offered to help but it was still too heavy.
Likewise, in this case manipulators always double their efforts and get help from fellows that have an interest in seeing you manipulated also.
Later I found the secret, there was a chain that held the rack on the truck and the pry-bar would fit into the links on the chain and then the steel became easy as pie to move. I could do it with one hand, and before it was impossible even for a group of guys to do it. I found my fulcrum in the chain and now I had leverage.
Back at the discussion thread, that is what they were looking for in me - a fulcrum - something that I would hang on to so that they could move me and manipulate me. At this point it became a challenge. The point of the whole exercise was now, just to see if it could be done. So, how have I greased the fulcrum and kept them from moving me?
I don't disagree with them. If they call me stupid; are they really wrong? I am unstable. I never said that I was faithful. I won't try to tell them that I am strong, or secure, or worthy of admiration. In fact, I want to discuss my weaknesses as long as they want to, and even offered to open a thread to discuss how f***ed up I am. What is funny is that as soon as I mention anything now, they see it as an opportunity to pry on me. I mentioned that a Christian is someone that can be seen by their fruits, so sense then they have been gossiping and slandering my "fruits," and how I need to repent. See how it works? But, I could put this to rest at any time. How? I could just say, "I never claimed to have good fruits, so I accept your evaluation." That would teach them to prying on "fruits" doesn't work. This is what happened about part-way through the (still growing) thread, and they didn't mention "good fruit" for a while, but have returned to it. I'll probably have to add a little grease to frustrate it once again.
Well, I hope that you don't take all of this as a "how to manipulate" thread. This is how to use prudence to see right through manipulation. Usually we feel it is happening, and seldom are we thoughtful of how or why it is happening. But, it is wrong in every case. Jesus was not manipulative, nor did He invoke any unethical means. Non-Christians feel this manipulation from people that claim Christ with their mouth and they know that something is wrong. Don't be fooled by manipulative, pious, mean spirited, hyper-religious types. Life is too short to live for the approval of critical manipulative busybodies.
Who the Lord has cleansed is worthy of His purpose. Call him not defiled or unworthy. What the Lord has cleansed, in the blood of the Lamb, is a new creation...virgin. ~ God [Letters from God and His Christ - Volume 2 - All Have Been Purchased, Few are Chosen]