I've had this problem, where I try to change those around me. Their darkness reveals my irritability, and for my own comfort I feed them what I think they need. But, I always justified it as me helping them grow spiritually.
I guess I was broken from this about 10 years ago, when I saw that it was destroying my relationship with my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time. I saw that I was inserting myself as her Holy Spirit. I saw that I was not even qualified to be my own Holy Spirit, much less anybody elses.
So, I prayed a new prayer ... "thy will be done, Lord" and I said this request, "I ask you Lord, to make this dear sister, whom I love into a fully mature woman glowing with godliness." I began to want to see Christ come out of her and play, but not merely for my own comfort. And I was happy to be uncomfortable and wait on the Lord to answer my prayer by His spirit, not my strength and power, nor by what I percieved as a need in her.
So, when I thought that I saw carnality in her, it did not cause me to insert my carnality by trying to fix her. Rather I remembered that I gave this to the Lord, and I would THANK Him. Because He always hears our requests, and that He cares more for Heather's spiritual maturity than even I do ... and that He alone is able to make a difference by the Spirit's influence in her heart.
Did you know that was faith, and an excercise for me nearly every day to have faith. And much of my carnality dropped away, and much of hers as well.
Saying "thank you" is the language of faith, and as we are thankful we are people of faith.
So, we see a need ... all around us. But are we willing to give that need to the Lord , and are we willing to be thankful that He has it, and that we are not to insert ourselves as Holy Spirit, where we are not qualified?
Inspired by THIS
I forgive you for those things spoken evil of me as I am commanded by Him who has forgiven me in His blood and suffering and also has forgiven you if you so choose to accept that forgiveness. For we are commanded that we forgive every one who sins against us as we are forgiven by Him who all have sinned against. ~ Timothy [Letters from God and His Christ - Volume 3 - The Word of God is Truth...Leading to Life]